Like everyone else in East Lansing on Saturday at 8:49 P.M., I was sitting on the futon, tuned into the NCAA basketball tournament Final Four game. However, I almost immediately came to the realization that I know nothing about basketball. Three-pointer? Sir, I barely passed geometry. Shot clock? Sounds like a drinking game. After approximately 30 seconds of attempting to pay attention to the game itself, I set my mind to a much more fulfilling task: dissecting the daring and often questionable outfit choices of the players. Here are four images that sum up the fashion of the Final Four.
4.) Matt McQuaid, Cassius Winston, and Xavier Tillman:
Here we have three specimens wearing white tights, a daring choice. Especially daring is number 20, Matt McQuaid, who paired his tights with a matching sleeve for an asymmetrical, bordering on avant-garde look. While I admire the creativity, I have to deem McQuaid the most offensive ‘fit in the line-up. The least offensive ensemble here is Xavier Tillman, 23, who is, let’s be real, kinda rocking the tights. His choice of white footwear completes the nearly all white outfit and contributes to the overall cohesion and aesthetic of the fit. Lingering somewhere in-between is Cassius Winston, 5, who is only wearing his tights on one leg. Despite this questionable decision, I do love a headband moment and Cassius is serving us sweaty hairline realness. Werk!
3.) Jarrett Culver:
Jarrett, like Xavier, went with a monochromatic color scheme for the game. From the red jersey and shorts to the red undershirt and wristband, Jarrett is making a real statement here. I wonder what he is hiding under those sleeves, though. Maybe he’s just too shy to show his shoulders because, as anyone who has experience with dress-codes in public schools knows, they are a highly erotic body part. Jarrett is probably doing us a favor by tucking those bad boys away.
2.) Nick Ward:
Here, Nick is just giving us straight-up classic basketball, and I’m here for it. Ward’s choice to give his shirt a slight tuck is really working for him and an exposed tattoo moment is always a winning choice (even if all those airballs weren’t). Also, who does your eyebrows, Nick?
1.) Tom Izzo:
Texas Tech may have advanced to the championship, but the night’s real winner was Spartan coach Tom Izzo. Here we see Tom working the power suit with a bold green tie and lapel pin. Even Izzo’s rapidly receding hairline can’t put a damper on the absolute power and air of authority positively radiating from the coach in this fit. Classy and just a bit sassy, Tommy really brought his A-game with this one. We just wish his team had done the same.
The Byzantine 