The laws that keep us safe don’t apply to the upper class, and they especially don’t apply to those rich enough to afford a high tier apartment in SkyVue. When the residents are away from their luxurious ivory towers, they enjoy hunting rare, dangerous game. While you or I would be jailed for hunting endangered animals, it is the most important pastime for a SkyVue resident. Here’s a few they’ve hunted out of existence:
5.) The Lower Residents of SkyVue:
Sad but true! If you are unfortunate enough to be part of the lower residents of SkyVue (commonly referred to as “dust grubs” by the top floor residents) it is likely you’ve already been hunted for sport. If you’re still out there, please confirm you’re alive for us so we can remove you from the “extinct species” list.
4.) The Last Pterodactyl:
Rumor has it you can see the taxidermied dinosaur in the apartment complex’s lobby. You thought the dinosaurs were dead? You thought right, as the last one was killed by a frat annex that resided in SkyVue in 2016.
3.) Whatever Was in That Exhibit in Potter Park Zoo:
That empty exhibit in Potter Park Zoo used to house a rare, exotic animal. However, money talks and the residents of SkyVue were allowed by authorities to bag it and tag it. It was officially the last of its kind, but I was paid $100 not to name it in this article.
2.) The Dodo of Mauritius:
Just kidding, SkyVue residents had nothing to do with the Dodo’s extinction. It was a dumb, flightless bird that was hunted to extinction by sailors and invasive species in the 1600s.
1.) Menna, the Hairy Burrito Man:
He was beloved by many for his herby scent and affordable food, but unfortunately he was hunted and removed permanently from East Lansing. Hopefully his departure from this planet is a sign that more fucking luxury apartments will be built in East Lansing.