As a Jewish person living in a Christian-dominated world, I have become accustomed to questions regarding my religion. Such questions often include, “What is ‘kosher’?”, “What do you mean you don’t celebrate Christmas?”, and, most memorably, “Are you Christian or Hanukkan?” (yes, really). However, my most harrowing experience regarding my religious status was being approached by a pair of Evangelical Christians in my dorm. This is my story.
“Hi, do you have time to answer some survey questions for us?” asked a short, relatively unattractive man wearing khakis and a short sleeved button-up.
It is important to note here that I was having a good day and felt sorry for the poor chap and his dowdy female companion, so I (stupidly) replied, “Sure”.
“What is your relationship with God?” the young man asked, his eyes lingering longer than they should have on my Star of David necklace (or maybe my boobs, the world may never know. For the sake of the story, let’s say the necklace).
Taken aback by the nature of the survey, I, unthinkingly, spit out “Oh, I’m not religious.”
The look of horror that passed over the face of my new friend was one I will never forget, unlike the soliloquy that followed regarding how I could find peace through Christianity and Jesus etc etc. I recall being offended, but this feeling was overshadowed by how amusing I found the whole scenario. He was rude and overstepped so many boundaries, but more than anything, he was boring. I, being the Jewish sinner that I am, had to use all my willpower not to tell the lad, “Could we hurry this along? I was hoping to meet my boyfriend and have some pre-marital sex.”
Our God-fearing friend then invited me to his church group’s next meeting and handed me a pamphlet, which I politely threw in the trash, ending our encounter.
In hindsight, our interaction may haunt him more than it does me.
So, dear readers, heed this warning: never tell an Evangelical you are not religious, it will ruin your perfectly good day and scar them for eternity. But perhaps even more importantly, don’t be like this khaki-clad Christian spokesmen and just leave everyone alone, because, to be honest, we couldn’t care less.
The Byzantine 