Mazel tov on your first internship! Your bubbe is going to be kvelling! You need to call her, by the way.
Now that you’re a working adult you have to know the ins and outs of the professional world.
First things first: always eat breakfast! You can’t work on an empty stomach. Bring lots of snacks too, you never know when you’ll need a little nosh. I got you those good cookies you said you liked that one time three years ago. Offer them to your co-workers! That’s how you make friends in this world: feeding people.
You will be very nervous your first few days. Don’t worry too much, everyone is a little fermisht about their first professional job. You’ll do great. Don’t be afraid to use that shayna punim to your advantage – you won’t stay young forever! If you miss a deadline or got an assignment all fercockt, use that nice smile of yours, and maybe bring your boss some bagels. Everyone loves bagels. There is a great deli right down the street from there, I bet they have bagels.
Oh! You have to dress appropriately, don’t just wear your oldest schmatte. Remember that nice sweater your aunt gave you last Hanukkah? That might be good. Wouldn’t hurt to run a brush through that hair either, oy, such a mess! Animals could nest in there. I don’t know why you don’t brush it, you look so nice I could plotz. You have such nice hair, good thing too with a schnoz that like. Maybe there will be a nice Jewish boy/girl there! You never know! You should look nice either way, I want grandkids before I die.
Last thing before you call Bubbe, connections are everything. Your Uncle Morty got you that interview. Ask if they remember your Uncle Morty! You have to make more connections to get other jobs so don’t be afraid to schmooze. You really have to check out that deli. I’m so proud of you bubelah.
Kvelling: Gushing with pride
Fermisht: confused, nervous, shook up
Shayna-punim: pretty face
Fercockt: messed up big time
Schmatte: raggedy clothes
Plotz: faint, burst
Schmooze: sweet talk/kiss up, friendly talk/gossip
Bubelah: sweetheart, honey