Danny DeVito, noted actor and four-foot-ten hero, announced early this morning that he would be joining the upcoming election as a candidate for President of the United States. A well-known Bernie Sanders supporter who even declared support for Sanders’s 2020 run, his decision to join the 2020 presidential race leaves him competing against the man he once campaigned for, along with nearly a dozen other Democrats.
DeVito stated that, despite the overwhelming number of candidates, he feels that he is the person who can best serve the country in this political atmosphere, as he is able to unite the two major parties.
“Everyone is so mad all the time.” DeVito told us. “We need real, progressive, change, but everyone feels defeated and anxious. We’re in trying times; people need jobs, shelter, and food. My campaign hinges on that idea – offering you a nice egg in these trying times.”
While the current president is a former reality TV star, DeVito asserts that he holds much more star power.
“If they’d elect the host of a second-rate reality show, they’d elect the legend from Matilda, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Hercules.” He shrugged. “I’m confident.”
When asked who his running-mate would be, DeVito was quick to respond.
“Jeff Goldblum.”
When pressed on why they would be the best pair for the race, DeVito had a lot to say.
“We’re kind of the dynamic duo – he’s hot, I’m cool, and together, we’re a nice, warm gift to America.”
Expect to see DeVito dominate the debates and press over the next several months.
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