The recent Jonas Brothers comeback has got all of us late 90s-early 2000s kids in a state of nostalgic bliss. We recall watching the Nickelodeon Kids Choice awards in our pajamas and singing along to Year 3000 blaring from our MP3 players. We want to recreate that happier, simpler time. However, the Jonas Brothers are not the same pre-teen boys we once knew and loved. They’ve changed, and there is one undeniable fact that we must all come to terms with: Joe Jonas is no longer the hottest Jonas.
Let’s just state the truth: Nick Jonas is the hottest Jonas Brother. Most of us came to this realization when a very grown up Nick appeared on the cover of FLAUNT magazine in 2014. And ICON magazine in 2015. And Men’s Fitness in 2016 AND 2017. But I have “friends” (and you do too, you just might not know it yet) that still cling to the outdated notion that Joe is the hottest of the three brothers. If you are having trouble identifying this friend, chances are, you are them.
Realizing someone you consider a friend is a Joe stan can be difficult to come to terms with, but here are some steps you can take to cope.
- Block them on all social media. Seeing them liking and retweeting pictures of Joe will only make that little shred of respect you have left for them harder to hold onto.
- Avoid eye contact. Just don’t make eye contact, whatever the cost.
- Wear a Nick Jonas rubber mask when hanging out and doing fun things to help them make mental connections between Nick Jonas and good times. Over time, they will begin to associate Nick Jonas with happiness. Think of it as a bit of a friendly Pavlov’s Dogs scenario. (Bonus points if you wear a Joe Jonas mask during times of stress, anxiety, or grief!)
- “Accidentally” refer to said friend’s ex-partner as Joe Jonas. This will help them move on in addition to causing them to associate negative emotions with Joe. If you are seriously concerned for your friend’s well being, feel free to Photoshop Joe’s face over any remaining photos of their ex.
- Remember this is a trying time for both of you. Offer your friend emotional support in their journey to accept Joe’s aesthetic demise. But not too much. This is a very fine line and you must walk it carefully.
As you navigate this difficult situation, remember to always put yourself and your needs first. It is a noble effort to try to help a friend, but you have to know where to draw the line. Remember, a continued Joe infatuation past the age of 14 with no hope of change IS a deal breaker. And that’s okay.