Put aside your Peeps, chocolate bunnies, choking-hazard plastic eggs, and all that other Easter shit. There’s a new hero in town, and he just rose from the dead to save your group presentation from the brink of disaster.
Exclusive reports out early today confirmed that Todd Samson, the member of your project group who you last saw in person in late February, has risen from his tomb of seasonal depression and Rama burnout to save your presentation from sure self-destruction.
Samson, who sources claim appeared to be bathed in a halo of pure warmth and love, did not practice any aspect of the presentation with his group beforehand; indeed, many believe it was his first time ever laying eyes on the PowerPoint.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” course instructor Richard Brooke told The Byzantine. “This kid basically dropped off the face of the Earth. Hasn’t turned in any assignments in months. And now he just shows up, right when his group is struggling, and completely nails the presentation?”
Brooke paused here, clearly at a loss for the appropriate words to describe the miraculous scene he witnessed, and simply shook his head.
Multiple students in the class reported a feeling of weight being lifted off their shoulders, a sense of warm contentment engulfing their entire bodies, and also a tinge of nausea unrelated to Samson’s appearance.
“I just know that he saved those people,” Richard Brooke said through tears. “That group was spiraling down into darkness and despair and just total embarrassment. Just really making asses of themselves. And he came in and not only pulled them from the grips of hell, but also gave them hope.”
At press time, sources confirmed that Todd Samson will receive a final grade of 1.5 in the course.
The Byzantine 