Well, it looks like it happened: MSU cancelled class for tomorrow. You know who they should have asked about that? Me. While other students were skiing to class or skipping entirely, you know where I was? Walking to class in my basketball shorts, Travis Scott tee, and slides, carrying an ice-cold Natty Daddy and listening to Joe Rogan. Know what that means? I’m more badass than the pussies at MSU.

When I was in high school, I almost joined the U.S. Marines. Do you know how hard it is to be a Marine? Sure, I never was one, but I thought about it really hard. I even have their flag hanging up next to my “Saturdays Are For The Boys” one. That makes me way tougher than anyone in MSU’s administration; do they have military décor? Didn’t think so.

I know they’re saying that frostbite will happen in less than five minutes if you go outside tomorrow, but what MSU doesn’t know is that badasses are immune to the cold. Why have you never seen John Cena in a coat? Because he’s a badass. If I wanted to, I could walk all the way to your mom’s house tomorrow. I won’t, though.

MSU needs to get their shit together and hire tougher administrators (like me) so I have more chances to show off how cool I am. I was planning on mopeding to my 10:20 IAH in board shorts and a man-tank to impress the ladies and Professor Stevens, but now I have to wait until next week. While I’m pretty pissed off, I guess being the toughest guy at this entire school is just my cross to bear.