Michigan State University students were surprised to receive an email early Wednesday advertising a “Mission Menstruation” initiative, meant to make menstrual hygiene products more accessible to female students. Understandably, male students were immediately incensed at being excluded from something.

Now they shall be excluded no longer, thanks to the bold actions of some local men’s rights activists.

The MSU Men’s Rights Club has officially announced “Mission Castration,” an initiative meant to even the playing field that the club claims has been tilted towards women for too long.

“The men of this country are sick and tired of being denied the menstrual rights that women have been enjoying for millennia,” said club president Ben Penicolo. “Men deserve to bleed out of their genitals too!”

Specifics about the initiative are scarce, but word has already quickly traveled to all corners of MSU’s campus. Opinions were mixed.

“It’s about damn time this happened, I’ve been wanting to bleed out of my genitals ever since my older sister first got her period in 2008,” said mechanical engineering sophomore Martin McDale. “Men are so fucking stupid,” said advertising senior Ronda Price.

“The hoarding of menstruation proves without a doubt that feminism is about domination, not equality,” Penicolo added confidently. “Until men and women have the same amount of blood coming out of their genitals every month, there can be no true equality.”

At press time, rumors had started that the Men’s Rights Club’s next movement would be to ensure that all men are able to experience the raw fear of not knowing if the man walking towards them with his hand up is going to assault them or just needs directions.

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