Two East Lansing frat boys announced their intentions yesterday to start a petition to regulate the sharing of toothbrush holders among male roommates, citing it as “pretty gay” to have two toothbrushes within inches of each other. The two men, however, seemed totally fine with sharing the same sock used for masturbation.

“I don’t see the issue, it’s not as bad as letting your toothbrushes touch.” Jake Myles, one of the boys, stated. “It’s an old sock, we lost its match long ago. Plus, it’s pretty soft and just a little crispy. What else would we do with it?”

When The Byz mentioned that its not only unsanitary, but objectively disgusting, to share a sock that you masturbate into several times a day, Myles laughed.

“People may say that, but it’s just easier – we can’t confuse each other’s cum socks if we just share one! Besides, it’s more fun if we share, since we choose seasonal socks. Right now we’re using a green and red number with a reindeer on it that just says ‘Jingle Balls’. I got it cheap from Target because it was supposed to say ‘Jingle Bells’ but they fucked up.”

His roommate, Chad Fannaday, had similar sentiments.

“Look, I’m not scared of a little jizz. What’s truly gross is when you put your toothbrush in the toothbrush holder and it kind of slides and the tip brushes another toothbrush. I don’t want his mouth germs touching mine!” Fannaday said with a shudder.

When asked what the two intended to do with their petition, Fannaday made it clear that they aimed big.

“We’d like East Lansing to make it illegal first, and then hopefully the whole state, if not the whole world.”

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