A startling report released this morning has confirmed that, ah shit, that pothole might have been the fuckin’ one.

The assessment came after the chassis of your 2002 Ford Taurus shook violently upon rolling over the behemoth of a hole, which you failed to see due to being occupied digging your phone out of the space between the seat and the center console.

The troubling report details the pothole as “a real doozy, just an absolute monster” that would threaten the livelihood of any vehicle that came across it, not just your poorly maintained sedan. The report also made sure to mention that no amount of cursing to any known deity would rectify the immense damage that is sure to have occurred.

“The most sophisticated statistical techniques have concluded, with 99% accuracy, that this pothole might just have been the one,” the report states in its final paragraphs. It goes on to recommend that you immediately lower the volume of your sound system, as surely a gargantuan crater like the one you just bowled over going 50 in a 35 would shake something loose in your engine.

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