Sick of red-and-green dish towels crowding your kitchen? Annoyed by the fourth decorative sleigh to be brought home this week? Here are ten ways you can force your roommate to be more responsible with their cash and make your home the safe space it once was.
10. Tattle on Her:
Ah, the easiest way to corral a friend – telling their mother. If her parents knew she was dropping $130 a week on something so ludicrous, they would definitely have something to say about that. Sure, they might try to ground her and make you enforce it, but that’s a lot better than becoming the proud mother of yet another Christmas tree-shaped casserole dish.
9. Host an Intervention:
Why not try this classic method? Just tell your roommate that you’ll be hosting a Christmas party, and an hour before it starts, have her run some errand “for the party” while you get all set up. When she comes back, sit her down and have all of her friends and family tell her why she’s garbage.
8. Buy Her the Decorations First:
Power move! If you buy the decorations, then technically you did get her to stop. Go you!
7. Tell Her Target Funds Something Against Her Political Views:
We all love a good cause, and your roommate is no different! By telling her that Target gives money to an organization that she vehemently hates, you’re ensuring that she at least feels a little bad the next time she goes. And who knows, maybe she’ll switch to Home Goods!
6. Take Her to IKEA:
Sure, she’ll come back with an entire bedroom set and a freezer bag of Swedish meatballs, but at least it’s some variety!
5. Blast “Mo Bamba” Until Target Closes for the Night:
No one is safe from Sheck Wes’s surprising 2018 hit about Mohamed Bamba, the seven-foot Orlando Magic player. Whether in your home, the club, or a Target parking lot, this jam will stop your roommate quicker than you can say “oh, fuck, shit, bitch.”
4. Start a Hoarding YouTube Channel:
This method is great because it gets two birds with one stone. First of all, a good ol’ public shaming might just do the trick to rid your home of Yuletide decor. Secondly, and more importantly, this could be the thing that finally makes you famous enough to stop selling pictures of your feet to your cousin Jerry for $20 a foot.
3. Fortnite Dance Whenever Her Friends Come Over Until She Agrees to Stop:
More shame – but this time it’s on you! While drastic, nothing is more embarrassing for everyone in the room than seeing someone Fortnite dance. While you might get mocked mercilessly, it’s better to jump on this tween trend than put up with her ridiculous spending.
2. Pump Her Full of Insulin:
So her diabetic boyfriend stores his insulin in your fridge. Well, no longer is it a life-saving medication that he uses with every carb-y snack or meal – it can now be used to save yourself from yet another U.S.-shaped sign that says “Home for the Holidays”.
1. Throw Her to the Wolves:
Well, it looks like this is just one lesson she’ll have to learn the hard way. Take her to the nearest wildlife sanctuary and just throw her in, with only her Target decorations to defend herself. If she loses, you’re free! If she wins, you should be scared and just let her continue buying seasonal items until you can move out.
Whether it’s the power of “Mo Bamba” or just a pack of wolves, the holiday season is the time for cheer – ensure yours by freeing your home of Target’s clutches.
The Byzantine 