The sex-positive movement has been growing healthily in the 21st century, with more and more people feeling comfortable expressing their sexuality in ways that previously would be viewed as sinful or amoral. Part of this movement is the resistance to kinkshaming, when somebody is made to feel ashamed for their particular sexual kinks and fantasies. Kinkshaming is recognized as a barrier to the sex-positive movement, but a bombshell report by a group of top sex researchers has officially declared one kink to be freely open to shaming: the irresistible urge some rich old men feel to fuck Mother Nature. Man, they really just love to fuck her right up.

Keen sex enthusiasts and laypeople alike will recognize this as one of the most common kinks out there (heck, even the president of the USA does it!), so making it okay to kinkshame will drastically alter the sex-positive community.

“This is honestly fucking amazing,” said Chicago-based sex-positive activist Victor Suaz. “I’ve been wanting to rip into these gross old dirtbags for years. What they do to Mother Nature is degrading, disastrous, and downright disgusting.”

An online forum on the popular website Reddit, which The Byzantine has been told is called a “sub-Reddit,” has already appeared featuring content kinkshaming several members of the nature-fucking kink culture. Some prominent figures targeted include former Secretary of State and ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson, current president Donald Trump, Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke, and superhero Captain Planet.

The report did not specify an end date to this period of kinkshaming, with lead author Dr. Catherine Litoris writing: “the kink of nature-fucking, practiced by many powerful, old, rich, and predominantly-white men, violates the ethics of the Code of Kink, which states that no kink should cause harm to a non-consenting party. Mother Nature did not consent to being fucked this way, and definitely not so violently and frequently, and the citizens of the Earth did not consent to feeling the aftermath of this unrepentant fucking.”

“It is time we as a community stand up and bully these kinksters mercilessly,” the report concludes. “And as often as possible; only then may the kink community be cleansed of this sinful, cystful, sorry excuse for a kink.”

At press time, noted nature-fucker Ryan Zinke had announced his plan to resign his current position as Secretary of the Interior after a graphic video leaked of him completely bulldozing a forest without its consent.

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