Those looking for heartwarming stories amid a sea of bad news are in luck, because a local family has just recently rescued an adorable kitten that would totally eat them if they died.

The McTavishes fell in love with the kitten, which would certainly go for the eyes first if it was trapped in a house with no food except the decaying corpses of the homeowners, “right away,” family matriarch Dawn McTavish told The Byzantine. “It was love at first sight, truly. We just knew we had to give this precious baby a fur-ever home.”

“We welcomed her home with open arms,” said father Herbert McTavish, who sources claim has a particularly nutrient-filled backside the kitten would almost certainly go for first if it was facing starvation. “She’s very quickly become a part of the family.”

The kitten, who has reportedly been named “Sparkle” by her new family, spent much of her first few minutes in the McTavish home carefully exploring every nook and cranny. So far the family has limited complaints.

“She sometimes plays too rough with our baby Carter,” said Dawn, referring to the kitten’s nibbles at the infant’s flesh in preparation for consuming it should desperate times arrive. “She sometimes goes for our ankles too. She really is a little goofball! And she eats so much! Our little girl is growing so fast.”

Sparkle, who, we can’t stress this enough, would totally eat the McTavish family without a care in the world if they suddenly died in the house, seems to be adjusting well to her new home. Said father Herbert: “We’re looking forward to long, happy, and healthy lives with our new little angel!”

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