This past weekend, the college football bowl games were announced, and our very own Michigan State University was able to snag a spot. They’ll be going up against Oregon University in the Redbox Bowl, a bowl funded by single, middle-aged people who can’t even afford a monthly subscription to Netflix. They’ll be playing on December 31st, so that way, MSU fans’ New Year’s resolution can be to try and forget this past football season.
However, when the announcement was first made, some MSU students were more excited than they should have been.
“Oh wait, it’s the Redbox Bowl?” asks MSU junior Freddie Mintz. “I thought it was the RedTube Bowl! Damn, I thought I was going to be able to celebrate the end of No Nut November with my college football team!”
Representatives of RedTube, the popular porn streaming website, were also a bit confused when the announcement was first made.
“I’ll be honest with you,” says RedTube manager Jack Goff, “I also thought for a split second it was us. I mean, Pornhub sponsored a college soccer team, so it would be a logical step for us at RedTube to get a bowl game. I mean, could you imagine the cheerleaders in a RedTube-sponsored bowl game? Or what about the halftime show? It would really get people to come to the game and at the game.”
“Yeah, it kind of sucks it’s the Redbox bowl,” says MSU sophomore Marvin Banner. “Like, I feel like Redboxes are kind of grosser and grimier than RedTube can be at times. Anyone can be touching all over those things in public. I mean, I don’t want to think about a worn out copy of Daddy’s Home 2 while watching football!”
As disappointing as this may be, MSU students still say that they will have tissues on hand, ready to clean themselves up after the bowl game finishes.