Tragedy struck Wells Hall this morning as Starbucks employee and MSU sophomore Sarah Tesster was forced to undergo a forty-five-minute lecture on pop icon Ariana Grande, after using the phrase “thank you, next” to request the next customer come up to pay.

“The second I said ‘thank you, next’, the customer just said ‘I’m so fucking grateful for my Grande mocha Frappuccino.’ When I didn’t react to the reference, she became hostile and defensive.” Tesster told us.

When questioned on specifically what was said, Tesster cited everything from facts about the “Thank U, Next” music video –premiering later today – to a detailed breakdown on Grande’s past relationships.

“I swear, half her statements were just ‘A queen, we stan.’ I like Ariana as much as the next gal, but this was almost as bad as being on Twitter for more than five minutes!” Tesster shuddered.

The customer in question, Victoria J. Eustace, spent the next forty-five minutes not only explaining the reference, but asserting her dominance over other customers by proclaiming herself the “biggest Ariana fan”, saying everyone else was “just a Pete Davidson”.

“I mean, I’ve heard ‘Dangerous Woman’ and stuff” Tesster began, “and I really do like her whenever I hear her music, but I just don’t listen to her ve-” at this moment, Tesster was tackled from behind by an unnamed woman with a long ponytail, who quickly dashed away.

 

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