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Average American Now Too Large To Fit Down Chimney In Desperate Bid To Save Christmas

December 24, 2018 — 0 Comments

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Authors

Alec Comes
- Can We Talk About All the Volleyball Courts at MSU?
- Trump Declares State of Emergency Because He Isn’t Getting Any Action on Valentine’s Day
Ariel Maldonado
- Lou Ha’s Limited-Edition Pink Mugs Go On Sale for $100+ on Class of 2022 Facebook Page, Spartan Cash Accepted
- Valentine’s Day Bust
Ben Lewis
- We’ve Uncovered the Secret of How Santa Can Visit Every House in One Night; Spoiler Alert, it’s Cocaine
- Tragedy Strikes: Cousin Jared Coming to Thanksgiving
Award-Winning Actor, Andrew Duris
- Oscar Nominations Review: “Holes” Snubbed for 15th Year in a Row and Here’s Why
Darren Incorvaia
- Um, Samuel Stanley Totally Wrote His Own Wikipedia Page, Right?
- I Used to Think My Mom Was My Best Friend. Now I Realize Goblins Will One Day Rule the World.
Jesse Szarowicz
- I Confess: I Printed a Fully Black Piece of Paper From an MSU Printer
- Please Don’t Nationally Embarrass Us by Rioting, Says University that Continually Embarrassed Itself the Past Few Years
Jessie Cohen
- Cha Cha Sliding into 2020
- A Jewish Mama’s Advice for Your First Summer Internship
Kevin Murray
- Joe Biden Vows Birth Control Will Be Accessible to DNC Patreon Subscribers
- 5 Animals That Were Hunted to Extinction by the Upper Crust of SkyVue
Lizard
- Exposed: U of M Basketball Team Uses Shake Weights
- Sheck Wes to Come Out with Christmas Song, “Snow Bamba”
Holly Simon
- Ranking Lansing-Area Coffee: The Byz Tries 7 Coffee Shops
- Another Democrat Enters the Race: Danny DeVito to Throw His Hat in the Ring

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