Avengers: Endgame was one of the most highly anticipated movies of the year with millions of fans dying to know what happens next to their favorite superheroes. Little did they know that by attending the movie’s premiere, they themselves became the real heroes.

Prior to the film’s opening, producers, directors, and actors partook in a séance where they summoned the late, great Stan Lee, asking the artistic mogul to wish them luck with the big opening. The message they received, however, was… unexpected and, to say the least, horrifying. According to witnesses, Lee revealed from beyond the grave he had a deep-seated resentment of Hollywood and its habitual prostitution of artistic integrity. He was appalled that so shortly after his death they would end this leg of his franchise and, along with it, his artistic legacy. He was determined to get his revenge. Lee had seemingly become one of the villains portrayed in his own movies.

Like all good villains, however, Lee had a weakness. The man loved to be loved. Those partaking in the séance knew this and decided to use it to their advantage.

For hours, the Endgame cast and crew negotiated with Lee through a Ouija Board and the help of Robert Downey Jr. who is a trained psychic-medium (who knew?). Finally, they came to a daunting resolution: if the movie did well, but not just well, record-breakingly well, in the box office, Lee would spare humanity – as long as they continued to worship him like the god he was (and had always been).

Lee had been appeased for the time being. Now all that was left to do was wait and hope the film made loads of money. The cast and crew spent that night mourning the loss of a hero and praying for capitalism to come through and help humanity for like the first time ever.

Upon hearing the news that Avengers: Endgame had made huge profits, the group rejoiced and finally breathed a sigh of relief. They, along with their massive fanbase, had become real life heroes and saved the world from a power-hungry ghost.

However, the ghost of Stan Lee will not stay away forever. We must continue to shower him with love and adoration for the sake of the continuation of the human race.

Lee’s final message to the world is haunting: buy movie tickets or perish.

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